bloggin in skool?? a crime?? [ blogg i made in skoo...but the computer blocked it from being posted =\ ]

sooo im bloggin from school [lol] boored in my SAT clas. I jus finished a 100 question test in 10 mins. Im such a BEAST! OMG lol. It was pretty easy, ONLY because my memory is somwhat like a PC. I would deff. consider it a gift. Idk what I would do if my memory wasn't up to part...maybe just fail or sum lol. ooookkk now I have Fred Miller lookin over my shoulder being nosey =\. Is it wrng to blog in skool?? geesh leave me alone lol....By the way, Im going to Homecoming with him. Idk what I'm wearin yet and its this Friday! Time i soo limited. Too bad I cant spend this time shopping rather than bloggin =\ lol.

what if i act like a boy..? --written by me at age 14 1\2 [exactly], my old journal is filled but this one REALLY stood out =\ ------

everyone loves a liar, especially when they are tellin you what you want to hear, at this point, yu can lie to me all you want, cuz like a nigga, im not in it for emotion, i jus want that one thing....boy o boy, little do yu kno, i have yu coiled ...& wrapped so tight around my waist, i don't neccesarily like you, it's just the physical feelings that are getting you through...you stare into my eyes, i can feel the intensity through yur finger tips as you grip on to the things that yu love to feel, you feel me physically, you feel me emotionally, but you dont feel my pain, you dont feel my lost, you dont feel my loneliness you just feel the thickness of my shape at such a young age. It sucks that you care and i dnt, it sucks that you love me but i wont. At this point in life, i act like a boy, is that wrng? i feen for yur body like a boy, is that wrng? these emotions i feel confuse me, but i dnt show you my puzzledness, i dont spill to you my feelings of truth of your soul like a boy, is that wrng? It might be, but i dnt care because nothing can fullfill and cure the pain that i have endured, the pain that has forced me to grow old so young. I idolize myself for the other "teens" , because inside i know i have jus turned 21. 21, for 21 sips of this vodka that i hav poured down my throat to forget all this pain. Somehow i kno years from now this pain will succeed and vanish away. Til then, i make you my 21st sip, i let you get use to looking and feeling on my shape, i let you fall in love with me, but i dnt let yu f*k, and i let u accept that loss for yur mankind because you say you  "care". yu think yu have me fooled, but yu dont. you are not the boy in this, i am. I rip this all away from you, like a boy. I let you see me move on, like a boy. I leave you not only speechless, yet clueless, like aboy. I leave you to suffer with a broken heart, like a boy. Cuz like a nigga, im not in it for emotion, i jus want that one thang, and thats to let you see a young girls pain, as a boy.....

a girl jus wants tah hav fun..?

okk, for sum reason i have jus really been enjoyin myself lately! kinda with some ppl i usually wouldn't hang out with outside of skoo, but fortunately i have found that they are the ones makin my last few months worth while! they provide laughter and life, its such a win not to hang around so many girls all the time, they are nik nacky and talk about guys, sex, fashion, & love all the time. It gets so old and annoying. This other "group" [not saying names for drama sake] has given me a new insight on life; no worries, no problems. I might not used the "no worries, no problem" method they use lol , but HELL, whatever floats there boat, its ok in my book. In the end im just a nonshalant, not typical girl that jus wants to hav fun, [not gossip & rumor like the avg. chik]. =)

whyyy ooohh why?!

came home today, no work, no stress, no worries. Layed across the bed, snuggled into my covers, jus daydreaming away. about old things, new things, & blue things [lol as in the emotion, not the color]. and in comes rushin my mother!! breaking all of my concentration and relaxation! soooo much for my afternoon nap, instead i listen about HER ideas on MY wedding dress, which mite i add, is noooowhere in sight at this point of time! mommy, mama, mom....whyyyyy ooohhh why?!

it's so hard to do, but i simply have to...

"You may remember all the good times you had, the special way you greeted each other. You close your eyes and you can almost feel him next to you. Former spouses or love partners can become larger than life. We tend to remember only the good. We put our former partner on a pedestal. No mere mortal could ever live up to those standards so we hold on to the past. You may dream that one day you will open the door and your former lover will be standing there pledging his undying love to you.  We may have made a promise consciously or unconsciously long ago to another that keeps us from letting go.
Letting go is acknowledging the loss of many dreams including: growing old together or the loss of not having children or grandchildren together. Letting go requires us to face reality, to see both our ex and ourselves as we really are, our flaws, our imperfections, and our humanity. For many this is just too painful. Rebound relationships can be particularly hard to let go of. You met at a time when you were particularly vulnerable and somehow gave much of the job of your healing to your partner. When the rebound relationship fails you feel devastated." -Ezine [this really helped]

can't wait to call Riverside, Calif. "home"

looking for a house is too much fun! can't wait to turn this into reality! New people, places, malls, etc. This new start on life is the big break i been waiting for. me & Corey are going to have a BOMB time!

PSAT! f*k T-H-A-T! =\

i know that i have the skills to take and pass this test, BUT the fact of the matter is i been taking this damn test for years now...it's getting ridiculously annoying....ugh...Wednesday, right after our break may i add, is the day of the test. 3 excruciating hours doing a test that wont even really count. But if i do outstandingly great on it, I have a good chance to get in a Grade A college....so i guess it's worth it a LITTLE bit this time =\.

a true friendship jus makes ya wanna cry! lol

sooo there's this chik,and her name is Soph bka [my other half!] I have known her for a while, and she has officially become a bestfriend to me. We can gossip and it doesn't leak, we can ride and chill everyday of the week, [ and lol my rap game is weak..haha ok ok anywhoo]. I can count on her for anything, and the deed is mutual. When i move, and we have to split apart, i think imma go wild withough my Soph. =( People this close shouldn't be broken, it's a SIN I TELL YOU! Wen it all falls down she is there to rebulid me, and wen she dies im there to resurrect her. I really wish every gal had a friend like her, it's the best of the best feeling to kno yu hav a chik that TRULY gives a damn about the important and the nonimportant aspects of yur life. she listens, she cares, and she loves! so yea...I LOVE SOPHIA lol

my bud!!

wow, i love this guy! wen we first met we realized that we are both moving across the country around the same time! [how crazy is that?!] He gives great advice wen I'm crazy, lost & confused. We can be weird & wacko together without ppl judging us like we r sum type of aliens [wtf lol]. He is also responsible for getting me into this whole blogging hobby lol. It's actually very relaxing now that i kno wth im doing. -Best Wishes to bleekerbeaner.blogspot  =)!

Chamblee High [inside&out]

This school is great for academics, but omg! no one here can keep there mouth closed. Whatever you say or do is 100% public. Personally i don't think true friends exist in the student body [except the ones you meet b4 hand]. You are always being judged and criticized, if yu aren't perfect then dont be surprised if you are a main topic in sumone else's convo. Temporarily, this school is all fun & games, but all the BS gets old fast. The girls are obnoxious and messy & the guys suck[but dnt they all]. lol

mi casa, su casa =)

soooo, life is in it's complicated state right now. Everything isn't going as planned, but however, life is unpredictable and i guess i shouldn't hope for the best..., it won't prepare me for the worst. But soon I will be given a new start, new beginning to life. The whole thing is bitter-sweet. I will obviously miss my life here in Ga, but I'm sooo excited to rebirth myself in Riverside, California. And the journey begins.....